I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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