one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
