WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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