i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I cockslap morals
No subtext here. People are naked.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
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Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
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Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize