Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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