Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
