I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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