2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
FUCK WHALES
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
