saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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