yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i think i just lost a toe
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
