Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
