he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
