We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
