I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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