So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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