grandma shit on top of the toilet
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
