I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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