mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
this boner is exhausting
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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