How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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