Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
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I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
As shirtless as possible
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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