All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
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At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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