He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
