I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
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Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
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Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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