well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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