have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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