I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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