the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
