Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
