I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
