Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
