Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
