I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
