I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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