yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
