Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
