Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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