My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All the doctor said was why
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
