I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
