then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
