their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
