32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.