the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She's allergic to latex.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The power of my boobs compel you