this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
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Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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