Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.

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  (810): I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages. http://tfl.nu/0oct
  Replies (4) Good night (1617) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me

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  (209): i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me http://tfl.nu/5qvn
  Replies (24) Good night (3105) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.

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  (440): Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family. http://tfl.nu/crmt
  Replies (17) Good night (5046) Bad night (734)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..

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  (703): bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status.. http://tfl.nu/z1m2
  Replies (25) Good night (6879) Bad night (1461)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.

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  (949): My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout. http://tfl.nu/7ut3
  Replies (3) Good night (4475) Bad night (796)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.

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  (612): I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday. http://tfl.nu/86uh
  Replies (42) Good night (11716) Bad night (1166)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee

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  (504): I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee http://tfl.nu/ouc6
  Replies (23) Good night (5838) Bad night (1026)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.

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  (616): You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls. http://tfl.nu/v76g
  Replies (9) Good night (5190) Bad night (1895)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.

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  (204): New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us. http://tfl.nu/chty
  Replies (10) Good night (5948) Bad night (980)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe

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  (561): at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe http://tfl.nu/jv4z
  Replies (4) Good night (1344) Bad night (1659)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.

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  (251): For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso. http://tfl.nu/t5dl
  Replies (2) Good night (1409) Bad night (682)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day

  (1-716): View more from New York

  Eh. They balance each other out

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  (716): I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day (1-716): Eh. They balance each other out http://tfl.nu/9dcn
  Replies (6) Good night (1055) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward

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  (908): he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward http://tfl.nu/i7kv
  Replies (4) Good night (1513) Bad night (701)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer

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  (604): Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer http://tfl.nu/ixyo
  Replies (7) Good night (392) Bad night (1115)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.

  (1-770): View more from Georgia

  But what if it got lost?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.

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  (770): you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in. (1-770): But what if it got lost? (770): its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it. http://tfl.nu/ord5
  Replies (2) Good night (506) Bad night (335)

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