hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
I love us.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".