We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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