Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.

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  (908): My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size. http://tfl.nu/6vyk
  Replies (23) Good night (949) Bad night (4223)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.

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  (810): I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself. http://tfl.nu/iwxe
  Replies (65) Good night (1457) Bad night (5099)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.

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  (214): In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong. http://tfl.nu/vlez
  Replies (29) Good night (7675) Bad night (832)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels

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  (613): you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels http://tfl.nu/5vyu
  Replies (11) Good night (1407) Bad night (3911)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.

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  (703): I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU. http://tfl.nu/rhle
  Replies (16) Good night (5481) Bad night (1211)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers

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  (248): I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers http://tfl.nu/q3tc
  Replies (7) Good night (2166) Bad night (1155)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this

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  (778): She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this http://tfl.nu/vwo0
  Replies (5) Good night (1140) Bad night (2143)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out

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  (603): they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out http://tfl.nu/559d
  Replies (20) Good night (3644) Bad night (912)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.

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  (512): I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good. http://tfl.nu/1b0u
  Replies (2) Good night (998) Bad night (482)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great

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  (610): On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great http://tfl.nu/63wg
  Replies (6) Good night (1049) Bad night (547)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"

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  (616): We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!" http://tfl.nu/th1o
  Replies (13) Good night (1977) Bad night (487)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.

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  (225): I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you. http://tfl.nu/gxsp
  Replies (1) Good night (366) Bad night (540)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me

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  (425): Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me http://tfl.nu/wcm8
  Replies (2) Good night (627) Bad night (298)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for

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  (847): I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for http://tfl.nu/6wjj
  Replies (2) Good night (471) Bad night (667)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.

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  (402): reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music. http://tfl.nu/luy9
  Replies (1) Good night (232) Bad night (553)

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