There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.