I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
