I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
