My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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