You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
