My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
