I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
