I bet he comes in French.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
