I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
