I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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