What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
