i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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