Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
birth control should be required to get into college
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
