he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
