i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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