i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
