apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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