We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
They took my balls.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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