This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
