So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
