I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
