I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
