around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
