Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
