i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
