Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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